What Mom and Dad Taught Me

Today I am reminded of the gigantic blessing I have in my parents. Since Dad and I were the only ones who didn't have to go to school or work, we went and ran errands and hung out together. It's always a blessing to hangout with my dad because we have great conversations. Today was about war and a Christian's perspective on the war on Iraq. I learn a lot from talking to my dad. He is really wise and I love learning things I didn't or being challenged by his thinking. One thing my dad and I talked about today was how he raised me. I was reminded of how much of who I am is a product of them being loving enough not to give me everything I ever wanted, for being strict at times, for always loving, quick to forgive, patient, and above all seekers of the Lord. I truly believe a big part of me has come about because of my parent's trust and devotion to Jesus and by God's grace. Dad's helped me learn important things regarding financial decisions, investments, making important decisions, keeping life simple (like Dad always says, "I'm praying for good things"). It's so generic and simple but so encouraging cause he says it with a big cheesy smile.

Mom has taught me a lot too. She continually tells me, "Trust God" and reminds me of her dedication in prayer over my life. Tonight I remembered one of the most valuable lessons I learned from my mother: laughter. After watching the awesome last Rocky movie together, my mom, being mom, jumps up and starts pretending to be Rocky, jabbing in the air and picking fights with everyone in the room. The night ended in Stephen, Joel, Mom and I in a dog pile on the living room floor. Mom has to stop every now and then because she's laughing so hard she almost pees her pants! It was so fun. Mom has always been really silly and goofy. I cannot begin to count the times that I spent bursting in laughter with my mother over something she said and seeing her laugh like crazy. Late nights in the kitchen, with our family, or even in public somewhere like a restaurant. My mom has no shame in laughing and living life fully with joy. She has taught me to laugh and live life joyfully. She has taught me a lot through her life, like modesty, Godly parenting, submissiveness to husband and the Lord, and intentionality in ministry. I am grateful for her and Dad. They have not done everything perfectly and neither have I as their daughter, but I am tremendously blessed by them and want to honor and respect them.

Fighting to Be Poor?

I have been listening to Matt Chandler’s sermons on Ecclesiastes. The entire book is about Solomon expending his whole life on finding out if anything under the sun has intrinsic value. What he discovers is that all the trinkets, clothes, food, new things, etc are but a means to add something new to our humdrum and monotonous lives. That is what life is without faith. If we don’t have faith, everything is meaningless. We will all die and our stuff given away and name forgotten.

I have often lately been thinking about wealth, accumulation of stuff, and what my future lifestyle will look like. Will my life look like my parents? Will I live in a nice house in America all my life never worrying about where my next meal comes from? Will I get to have luxuries beyond necessities? Will I be poor? Will I be a sender, a missionary, or a mobliizer? All of this is hidden from me…and I believe for my benefit. Without faith it is impossible to please God and in Ecclesiastes 3 it says that we don’t know everything for a reason. I don’t know what my life will look like, but I wrestle with the thoughts of being well off. I have always had this wrong notion that being wealthy is the same as not being very spiritually mature. As if to say, if you have been given lots of money you should not own a big house, but give away all your money to people who need it and if you aren’t doing that, than you’re probably not doing what the Lord wants from you. Before you put in the air hockey table, you are, being a Christian, to give the money to something else. I struggle with thinking that being well off is a blessing, quite possibly because many Christians do use their wealth to serve themselves first. If the Lord does choose to bless me with material wealth, I pray that I do not consider it my own and to be used just for my own pleasure. I know how prone I am to wander. I know that what Matt says about us thinking we need more is a endless cycle only leading to death.

I don’t want to end up like that. But here is the kicker in what I am wrestling with now. As Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 3, we are to enjoy life. We are to enjoy it when we have more than enough food, we have health, friends, family, etc. AND we are to enjoy life when we are sick, poor, in pain, mourn, and are hurting because those are times that God has made for a season of molding us and making everything beautiful in it’s time. I don’t think having nice things is a sin. If I believed this, I would be a hypocrite. I own nice things. I have 10x over plenty. Yet, the difference from the world and a Christian containing nice things is this: that we do not hold onto them, nor seek to believe they give us any more joy in life. We must realize this. Jesus is what makes all other things good. Outside of Christ, we can have things and never get the full measure of pleasure from them. I pray God would keep me from a judgmental heart towards the wealthy; they have been given much and in return are demanded much from the Lord. I am demanded to use what I own for the sake of His name, understanding everything including life and breath are but a gift from him.

I want the Lord to break me of my attitude towards wealth. I don’t believe it is the way the Lord sees it fully. I tend to believe being poor equals holiness. This is a lie. Learning from Ecclesiastes, the Lord has ordained our days, the time period we were to live, the place, the circumstances, etc. There is nothing that he hasn’t allowed or isn’t in control of. That means, that when I feel guilty for having nice things when others in Africa have little, I am not called to resent my gifts and blessings. I am called to think of the poor and to use my wealth to help them, to have compassion, to praise God with a grateful heart for his provisions, and accept the Lord’s plan for my life. The reality is that I did not choose the life I’ve been given. Therefore, it is wrong to think the Lord didn’t know what he was doing by placing me to live in the 21st century, granting me loving parents, a functional home life, amazing friends, money in my pocket, food, clean water, a nice car, etc. I am not to feel guilty for having such things.

I think Satan wants us to feel God is the enemy of enjoyment and of good things—such is where my thoughts about holy poverty come in. He is the destroyer and the Lord is the one who brings life to all that is good. But make no mistake, there will be no life, even for the Christian, who seeks to find fulfillment or satisfaction in anything under the sun outside of his hand granting the gifts. I am not going to lie; there is something that feels so much freer at times when I don’t have anything. I think that’s why I enjoy camping, getting dirty, waking up so late that you don’t have time to care about what you look like, being sweaty and having blisters on my hands, sobbing, and having to be frugal. There’s something refreshing to my soul when I am helping, not serving myself, forgetting about myself and how I appear, and having few things to claim as my own. I don’t feel as much a slave to the ownership or feel the responsibility of ownership for things in my life. I love that feeling, even if that’s not the life the Lord had for me. I am still trying to let his ideas of wealth, prosperity, fame, fortune, nice things, luxuries seep into my heart to transform lies I’ve believed. As Solomon says though, the rich are wanting the life of the poor and the poor the life of the rich, desiring each others lifestyles. The rich think the poor have it so well because they don’t have to worry about so much and are carefree and at rest. The poor think the rich have it so easy, are relaxed get to have all the joy and pleasures life could offer and by way of wealth, life would be better. However, Solomon will say that both are meaningless. Both groups will in 60 years die and be buried and no one remember them. Both are meaningless. I am being really challenged to dwell on these thoughts, which are not easy ones to ponder: death, wealth and poverty. Which one pleases the Lord most? The Bible says without faith it is impossible to please the Lord. It is less about stuff and more about my faith in whatever his plans are for me. This is what my heart needs to believe is true. I need to believe he really wants my faith more than works.

Learner in Trusting

I know that I need grace to trust the Lord with my future. It's scary thinking about being out in the real "real world." I mean, people said that about college, but who are we kidding; college years are some of the most fun, spontaneous, free, and exhilarating times of your life. I look at December, being less than a year away and think: "this don't look fun to me," "Am I really ready for this?" I don't think I ever will be. I think I'm most afraid of not having an abundantly joy and fun filled life. I mean, I'll be living with 5 other rockin' sistas for a whole year and then BOOM! here comes real life to wack me in the face. This is my vision of the future. I need help in trusting that life can and will be abundant and full even after college is over, after I don't live with amazing girls, I'm in a new city or somewhere far off, and I don't know anyone, etc. I need to trust the Lord that His plans are good and that good doesn't mean sour, discolored, bland, dull, monotonous, etc. He can sustain joy and can provide friendships even after college is over. I fear being alone at times. I fear feeling lonely and having self pity. I know I am a learner in trusting the Lord with my future. I know that this subject must be diligently committed to him through prayer--that I would trust his timing and sequence of steps, his overall plans and his small details in my life, his pains and pleasures he brings. I was listening to a Third Day song today that says, "I must go through the valleys, to stand upon the mountain of God." I must go through the valley of not knowing or understanding how His will shall come to pass in my life and in my future. I must learn to trust that He is true to His promise to never leave nor forsake me EVER EVER EVER. When I feel alone that is false. He is always with me. No matter in sin or in step with him, he doesn't leave us. He is the faithful one. I was reading in Proverbs 15-16 this morning and the Lord showed me these verses towards trusting him with my future. Prov. 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Prov. 16:9 " In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I pray that for all of you reading this, that you may be able to trust in the One who set us free to trust him. For all the uncertainty in life, all unknowns, fears, failures, short comings, victories, and life to be lived and had, He alone is big enough. He alone is wise enough for us to place our confidence in His plans. He alone is strong enough to sustain us. He alone generous enough to give us abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine. He alone is righteous enough to use for His name's sake. He alone is patient enough to bear in love with us when we fall time after time trying to learn to trust him. He alone has loving eyes for us no matter what. He alone can comfort us in our deepest times of need. He alone can satisfy our overbearing hunger for companionship and friendship. He alone can be trusted fully and completely. I pray we have eyes that set themselves above to look full in His wonderful, life giving face. I pray that I believe all the above things. I have yet to believe all of them. I have yet to be so broken and display my dependence and desperation for him by spending significant amount of time in prayer over these things. I am but a learner still as I will always be until the day I die, a learner in trusting Him.